The task of starting

Do you ever feel so ready for something that you can’t even start it? I just sat down to start studying for my actuarial science exam (math), and I feel so incredibly hardwired and mentally prepared to acquire this knowledge that I can’t even bring myself to begin. My day has led up to this moment. All the water I’ve been drinking, the healthy meal I just ate, my journey to the one seat in the entire library I can actually study in. Why can’t I begin? I love math. I love learning. Thinking about studying excites me. This course is well.. my shit.

But yet I can’t actually start studying. Are there other things on my mind? Not really. Am I tired or hungry? No. Am I distracted by something? Not that I can think of.

Perhaps my mind is just not in math mode. Maybe I just feel inspired to write right now. I feel the creating not solving. I’ve kind of discovered that my mind is in one of those two places, and only one. At all times. And I can’t really control which state of mind I’m in at a given moment either, so I kind of have to work my life around my mental state, rather than the other way around.

Hmmm what to take from this meaningless post… State of minds should not be forced? That’s a valid lesson. Try to listen to your head and your body and work your life around that. You’ll be a lot more productive. If you’re in my case and NEED to study or else you will fail an exam, maybe try to let yourself go for a bit and do what you want and then try to get back into it again. Not like a little walk around the library, I mean like a full hour or so of whatever it is your mind is telling you it needs.

– Dose of Delight

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