Psychological Control

Disclaimer: This post is essentially a self-therapy session of me ranting about my problems and solutions. Please enjoy if you care to read.

So, here’s the thing. I’ve mentioned already that since being home I’ve been in this weird life limbo that’s caused me to feel this sense of dullness and unfulfillment, which is obviously taking a toll on my overall mood/happiness. But I’ve been actively taking note of my mood, my moments of bliss, and trying to figure out a way to increase my happiness while I’m stuck here.

What I’ve found is that my overall mood is lower than it usual is, since I’ve been on this happiness high for the past year or so. I’ve also noted that the “moments of bliss” highs are less frequent. So.. it would make sense that my two goals would be to increase my overall baseline mood, as well as increase the frequency of these “highs”.

(Can you tell I’m a psychology student yet).

How can I do this? Well, I’ve found some solutions. And it’s all pretty much shifting my psychological mindset, with a few external aids.

A couple days ago I was fed up and decided to make a goal of meditating twice daily in the hopes that this would help me feel happier. So, I did just that. And already (through only a few meditations), I’ve found some guidance and wisdom within my own mind that I think will help me a lot — shout out to the Buddhism books I’ve been reading.

Firstly, I need to keep up these meditations. I already write pretty consistently so that’s good, but meditation practice has been a bit more sparse.

My second point is tied into the first, and is something that popped into my mind after yesterday’s meditation: the level of psychological control I have within my own mind. I think I’ve gotten very caught up in my external world, which I’m sure is tied to my immense shift in environment (university > travelling > home with parents) that I’ve faced in the past few months. However, I need to draw everything back in and release this dependence my happiness has on my external life. I need to find my own happiness, even when life is not very exciting.

I went through this phase a while back where I would try to turn my acceptance [of things in my life that I was stuck with but not totally fond of] into admiration. Find a way to learn to love the crap you’re stuck with. It’s the same thing here. I need to soak up all the positives in my life right now. The calm of the suburbs, the consistent income, the free food in my house, the friends I do have here. Life is not all that bad, and I need to live out this time in the best possible way that I am capable of. I’m 21 for god’s sake!!

I had a conversation with a friend recently – an older friend – and he was talking about how the older you get, the less significant these short periods of time feel. In other words, 6 months feels like ages when you’re young, but seems so insignificant when you’re looking back as a 30 year old. Remember when you were 7 and HAD to have that new Barbie THAT day or else the world would end?

I suppose I just gotta live day by day and practice consistent gratitude for what I do have right now.

In terms of the happiness “highs”, I think dedicating some time to myself and things that make me undoubtedly happy is important. Going for jogs through the forest by my house, concerts, spontaneous nights with friends, painting, writing. I’m going to make an effort to make this mundane life a little more vibrant. And just because I don’t live in Toronto yet, doesn’t mean I can’t spend my time there.

Alright, rant over. Sorry if that make absolutely zero sense, I just needed to put that all into words for my own piece of mind.

– Dose of Delight













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